I Stumbled Upon Stumbleupon

Have you heard of this "StumbleUpon"? It is a pretty cool internet tool. You list your interests and hobbies and then hit the stumbleupon key in your browser toolbar and voila! random websites pop up, exclusively for you, based on your profile.

So I'd like to know what it means that the first five sites that popped up for me were:

1. A blog entry about a guy who is having an affair and wants a divorce.
   
2. A page titled "Why can't I own a Canadian?"
   
3. How to trick someone into saying I AM SOFA KING WEE TODD IT out loud in a bar.
   
4. A blog in which the last entry was about fencing and the one before was about the tooth fairy.
   
5. A "This page cannot be displayed. Check your settings" error message
   

What does that say about my interests?

I suppose I should reconsider listing cancer, child-rearing, alcohol and agnosticism together in my profile. Someone might think Im a weirdo...

The the real question is why didn't it show me this blog? Hello?! I mean, what is my blog about if its not all about me and my life and things I find interesting or worth of retelling? If this search tool was so good, wouldn't it add up all my interests and spit back out my own words? Pi-sha!

Conversely, what would one have to list as their interests in order for StumbleUpon to toss out this site for browsing consideration? I shudder to think... C'mon, I have FIVE posts talking about poop.

I did come across some cool sites though...

Cool optical illusions. Check out the one called "rotating silhouette pirouette" - then tell me which way she is turning, I am doing a scientific experiment. http://www.scientificpsychic.com/graphics/

Completely useless but fun psychology tricks. http://www.blifaloo.com/info/index.php

This site is SOOO me: "Funny Accident Photos" File under: WTF! http://www.funnyphotos.net.au/accident/

A list of phobias. This is a must-have for hypochondriacs and neurotics alike (again, StumbleUpon has me pegged) http://www.phobiaguide.com/

And as always, a smattering of super funny, culturally insensitive jokes...

A pregnant woman gives birth to twin boys, but circumstances force her to give them up for adoption. One of the twins goes to an Egyptian family, which names him Amal, while the other goes to a Spanish family, which names him Juan. Many years later, the grown-up Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she is moved to tears. Between sobs, she says to her husband: “Oh, how I wish I had a photo of Amal as well.” Unmoved, her husband replies: “But my dear, they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Stevie Wonder was playing his first ever gig in Tokyo and the venue was absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asked if anyone would like him to play a request.
A little old Japanese man jumped out of his seat in the first row and shouted at the top of his voice, “Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!”.
Amazed that the little oriental man knew about the jazz influences in Stevie’s varied career, the blind virtuoso went into a difficult jazz melodyfor about 10 minutes.
When he finished the whole place went wild - but the little old man jumped up again and shouted “No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord”.
Slightly annoyed, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dived straight into a jazz improvisation with his band and really tore the place apart. The crowd went wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.
The little old man jumped up again. “No, no, NO. Play a Jazz chord, a jazzchord!!”.
Well and truly pissed off that this little bloke didn’t seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie said to him from the stage “OK smart ass, you get up here and do it!”
The little old Japanese man man climbed nervously onto the stage, took hold of the mike, faced the huge audience and started to sing….
” A jazz chord to say a ruv yoo…”

-A man is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner. He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams 'PIG!' Astonished, the man turns and yells back, 'BITCH!' as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig.

-A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky."
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him."No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

-I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me..."Oi, whats your disability?"I said, "Tourettes! now fuck off you cunt!"

-This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency, after receiving his money he asks "How come I came in here with same amount of money as yesterday but today I get less yuans in return?"The banker says "Fluctuations"
The Chinese guy replies... "Fluck you Blitish too".

This comes as no surprise, but

TV Reviews

London Broil

O.M.G. it was H.O.T!

Our London weekend was a lot of fun but it was so, so hot! I'd say it was like we were back in Miami only at least in Miami everything is air-conditioned. In spite of the heat, here are some highlights of our weekend:

Drove to Dublin on Thursday. Dropped off the rental car (again) and checked into the Radisson SAS Airport Hotel. It is a very nice hotel, recently renovated and we had some sort of businessman suite that included a Murphy bed instead of a real bed. This meant that the base of the bed had two metal pieces that stuck out to support the mattress and mangle the feet. After just that one night in the hotel, it will be no surprise if Katie's first words are "Muthafukensumofabitch! I kicked that Gawd-damn thing again".

Manus, Katie and I ventured into Dublin city centre via Airport shuttle 'cause I had my eye on a sushi restaurant I'd seen advertised and Manus knows the rule; "When in Dublin, must have sushi." We ate at a place called Aya. It is conveyor belt sushi - my FAVORITE kind of restaurant. Even better than all-you-can-eat sushi, which is good, but I'm still traumatized by that time I ate at the a.y.c.e. sushi restaurant and ordered too many hand rolls and was smuggling them in my purse to throw away in the ladies room because I was afraid they would charge me for leaving food on my plate and maybe cut off a finger or two. Unfortunately, the sushi wasn't that great, our booth was too high for the highchair and our placement on the belt was very bad. You could see something really interesting coming out from the kitchen but there were too many people between it and us so most of the goodies were snatched up before they could make it our way.

Then the bus we were to catch on the way back just didn't show. Twice. I don't know if that is how they do things in Dublin, but.... We didn't get back to the hotel until 10pm.

Friday, up and to the airport. Quickie flight to Stanstead in London and score one for Hertz Gold Club; the car was waiting for us when we got there. Hertz, unlike the 'Dan Dooley' we are using here has you review a "scratch and dent" diagram to ensure that you return the car the way you got it. As I went into the office/hut to return our signed copy of the damage diagram, Manus popped the trunk open and right into the metal Hertz sign. Quickly I returned to the service desk to add that they failed to mark that the "S" was missing from our VW Pas_at. We should get away with it unless they review their security tapes.

The hotel we were staying in in Essex, where Manus' cousin lives was...small, hot and cranky. Or maybe that was just me. Fortunately each room had its own bathroom, but you had to enter it facing the right way cause there was no turning around once you were there. A window opened to a lovely view of the building next to us and was small enough to avoid letting in any of that pesky breeze. Upon entering it was hard to tell which was our bed and which was Katie's travel crib as the two were the same size. The crib could only fit between the foot of the bed and the wall so every morning at 7am we would wake to Katie grabbing our toes and giggling. P.S. she learned the funniest trick about sniffing your feet and then wrinkling her nose and waving her hand in front of her face while we say "Poo Tinky Toes". the cutest thing. don't know which irresponsible parent taught her that one... We slept in the nude all weekend (all 3 of us) and after each night of sweating up the sheets, it was more than just our toes that were a little "poo tinky".

Anyway, the weekend was not meant for spending in the hotel, it was for family togetherness and cousin Esme's baptism, so lets get to that.

Friday night dinner at Prezzo, a local Italian restaurant. Katie and Esme at the head of the table, natch.

When asked how she liked her dinner, Katie replied in classic Italian fashion-

"Mwah!... Delicioso!"

Who IS this fantastic family??!

You know, I have been trying for the last hour to upload more pictures but BLOGSPOT is having some "internal errors" and I am just getting angry now. So, the story of the rest of the weekend will have to be told tomorrow. (or am I just lazy and I now that I have you captivated by my tale, can lure you back for the rest while I go and TAKE a rest?) You decide.

P.P.S. For all ya'll anon commenters out there, pls sign your name cause it is driving me batty not to know who is saying what. Except Laurie, your rambling, anti-punctuational style is unmistakable - no need to sign.

The Mom Chronicles. Chapter 3

I've long ago resigned myself to the fact that I will never go to the bathroom alone. And in some ways I think it is entirely fair. I sit and watch Katie as she makes her 'grunts and grimaces' face, why shouldn't she be allowed to look at mine?

They say that every kid has their own 'poop face' and Katie's... man, what can I say about it? It's not pretty, but you have no doubt as to what she is doing.

I've even found myself mimicking some of her gesticulations hoping my output would be as grand as some of hers. Of course, I chew my food so it will never be exactly the same.

This discovery of toddler behavior and subsequent acceptance occurs alongside the blossoming of toddler curiosity. I realize and accept that Katie wants to get into EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. She has a distinct, though I imagine not unique talent of scanning the room and zeroing in on the ONE thing she is not supposed to touch. If there are 6 plastic bottles on the table, she will go for the one glass. We have four remotes, if the stereo is what is on, the stereo remote is the one with the most interesting buttons. (if the tv is on, the tv remote is the only thing in the room worth playing with).

So, anyway, I have a bathroom monitor with me at all times. Like I said, comes with the territory. But the other day I discovered the true dangers in co-toileting.

As I stood upon finishing my business, in the split second between hiking up my pants and swiveling to flush I hear "Plop!" and there is Katie, who in the short time it took me to pee has removed everything off the bathroom shelves we have from hairbrushes to Q-tips ('ear buds' here), but here is Katie, little head peering over the rim to see just what does happen to a tube of toothpaste when it is submerged in the basin.

Ugh. So yes it was only pee, but a tube of toothpaste is not something you flush down and replace. No, I had to retrieve it. And we dont even have any salad tongs here.

Then, what do you do with the tube? The cap was on, but do you take the chance that there was seepage?

I'm making up a job description for motherhood. It now includes the following questions: Are you willing to touch another person's vomit? Are you willing to touch another person's poop? Are you willing to plunge your hand into a bucket of your own urine? Are you willing to do this for free?



Look what else Katie is into these days...





yup. its a tampon applicator. Fresh from the box, I swear -the possibility of a used one is more vile a thought than I can muster- but nonetheless... a disturbing image.

There Is Something About Katie

Katie is channeling her inner Cameron Diaz.

Caught on Camera

A Yeti...
The Loch Ness Monster...
UFOs...
Bigfoot...

Just a few other things that measure up to the greatness of that which we caught on tape...

The Mom Chronicles. Chapter 2

My retelling of the Laura visit has been temporarily halted. I am awaiting a signed release agreement from two parties; Laura Rice and Jessica Shamer. Without their consent I will be unable to continue with the trip details. Contact your local congressmen or pressure your aforementioned family members to allow the truth to be told.

I would however like to take this opportunity to share another precious parenting moment from yesterday. But first, did I mention that it is raining today? Oh yeah, it is. Shocking for Ireland, I know, but as I have now become an absolute expert on precipitation, I can say definitively that IT IS RAINING. AGAIN.

Yesterday Katie and I had a date with Nana and her very good friend Kay O'Connell. Katie rose from her nap at two, our date was at three. A quick lunch before we head out the door. I gave Katie a variety of finger foods as I needed to run a cool iron over the dress she was to wear. Nana bought Katie this dress. It is Parisian, from Paris, and it is BEAUTIFUL. She'd worn it a time or two previously and it was wrinkled beyond even my lax acceptable level. At one point I'd run up the stairs for something and Manus, having just gone downstairs with Katie, shouted up to me to bring down the camera. Me, thinking Katie was doing something incredible and picture-worthy but unfortunately dressed in a boring white tee, yelled back, "why?"
"I want to get a picture of you ironing, 'cause no one will ever believe it. You could put it on your blog!" I politely responded that he could just F-off and there is no way I will now EVER iron anything of his (like I would have anyway, but now there is a quality excuse of my indignance.*) and, why would I ever implicate myself on my lack of homemaking skills on my own blog?! THAT would just be silly.

Par for the course, I have strayed from topic.

Katie has finished her meal and I, my ironing, so I grab a few bites of delicious homemade leftover extra garlic-y garlic toast carbonara. (made carbonara sauce for pasta, ran out of pasta so loaded the remaining sauce onto the few pieces of leftover garlic bread- omg... talk about buttery deliciousness!) Katie looked longingly at me as I ate so, reasoning that the PEAS in the sauce are healthy, I gave her a few spoonfuls. She loved it too.

We got dressed and loaded into the car. Had to go out to Desart to pick up Nana as her car was in the shop. I think I've described the drive out to Desart before, but if not, quick description: It is an old country road, planned long before the advent of the automobile and though maybe repaved once since, not widened since horse and carriage. No. Not once. I tell people you know you are getting close to the house by how narrow the road gets. When you, a lone car can only barely drive through the thicket with only a few stray branches scratching your paint, turn left cause you are there. (and this functions as a two-way road). Well, THAT is the "good" road and that one was closed off, so we had to go the back way. Apparently back in the old days people didn't believe in "straight". The tale goes that the Irish planned out their roads so the wind was always at their backs. Well, they planned this one during a hurricane.

Back out on the main road and on our way to Kay's. We take the "ring road" that goes around the town to avoid traffic. Ring roads, as with most Irish roads, use the roundabout system. We were going a complete 180 degrees around the city so needless to say, we rounded 'bout lots.
Do you see what I'm getting at here? We were twisting and turning this way and that. On the last leg of the ring road Katie starts to make faces I'd never seen before. I said, look! She's winking. Look! She is holding her breath. Look! She is rubbing her face. Look! She is turning red. Look! She is barfing her brains out. I was driving, so only turning my head for seconds at a time, but time stood still as molten lava spewed from Mt. Kathryn. I pulled off the road immediately but it was too late. Without going into unnecessary detail, I will just recount what Katie had for lunch; slice of turkey, cheese stick, banana, grapes, and recall, garlic toast carbonara complete with peas.

And apparently, Katie doesn't do a lot of chewing when she eats. The contents retained their original shape and texture. Aside from the banana mush which bound everything else together. I will never look at Campbell's chunky soups the same way again.

Nana holds on to Katie on the side of the road while I look for something to contain the mess. First off, do I have a change of clothes for her? Noooo. Rookie mistake, but I was thinking, we are just going for tea and Katie's already done her morning constitutional. Okay, how about a towel or shirt or anything to clear off the big chunks? Nooo. Okay, wipes. Got wipes. Got... 3 wipes. shit. I took out the car seat completely so as to tip it over in the grass and then realize that the bulk of the 'matter' has slid down INTO the seat (where the waist strap come out from the side). I wipe -er, smear- as much as I can off of Katie and the seat and then off Nana and myself and we hold our breath with the windows down for the rest of the trip.

When we got home I stripped off Katie, clothes to the laundry and Katie to the bath. I removed the car seat from the car, sat it on the kitchen floor and removed the cloth cover, threw it in the washer and tried to jimmy out the remnants from within the seat with everything from a washcloth to the end of a spoon. Manus comes downstairs at this point and says, "Ugh! This place smells like puke! Gross!" Thanks for offering the helping hand, Captain Obvious.

I didn't want to risk shrinking the car seat cover, so instead of tossing it into the dryer when it was done washing, I hung it out on the clothesline. Remember when I mentioned before that it's been raining all day? yep. that's right.

I regale you with this story today, not only because it just happened yesterday, but because today, June...26th (?) is a day that will go down in Katie history.

Katie took her first few steps today.

Applaud if you like, Manus and I certainly did.

Katie, and the dress, both on better days....

*indignance. (n.d.). Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary. Retrieved June 26, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/indignance

What a Sham

Tricks I thought Katie could do:

Turns out Katie might not be the super smartest baby as I've led you to believe. Yeah sure, she is great for parlor tricks, don't get me wrong, but you can't allow for audience participation or the whole room will see the man behind the curtain.

For example, if you were to ask "Where is Katie?" you will get the correct answer every time.

However, when asked "Where is Mommy?" the cracks begin to show...

Ask then, "Where is Daddy?" and the truth is painfully obvious. She is like soo self-involved!

When I talk to my mom, I always put the phone to Katie's ear so Grandma can say hi. So the other day, when I said "where is grandma?" she picked up the phone and put it to her ear. Brilliant!
But, this was today...

(that is the remote control)

And now never you mind about the mess in the background or the little boy outfit I have her in. The maid is off today and this is her super most comfiest coziest lounge wear and she had no idea she would be on camera today. (although what day ISN'T she on camera?)

If you ask Katie what does a monkey say? You will hear " ack, ack, ack, ack" (you try to spell the phonetics of a one-year old). And she does sound like a little monkey, at least like the little monkey doll that we have. If you press her further, however, you will find that the kitty cat, the doggie and a birdie all sound like Mr Monkey.

One day we saw her doing this trick:

And I thought, "hell yeah" my girl can dress herself from now on.

Then she pulled this little number:

Then again, there may be hope for her yet...

Moving on now to...

Tricks I know Katie can do

An homage to Joni Mitchell, Katie shows us how she can look at life "from both sides now"

And as always an avid yoga participant, Katie shows us the 'sniffing booty blossom' pose. Though perhaps not common in the States, this move is indeed all the rage here in Ireland.

Now THIS is the real thing. Our Katie is really growing up! And doing some standing to prove it.

E! THS: The truth about Katie

While Katie isn't famous or in rehab somewhere (yet), E! found the sham of a blog I sent out yesterday detailing Katie's birthday and decided that the truth must be told....

This is E! True Hollywood, (FL) Story : The Truth about Katie

What started out as a few innocent drinks with friends to celebrate the big 0-1 soon devolved into such debauchery, few can stomach the details...

Our crack team of undercover investigators snapped these photos of Katie's binging. She was confronted with the evidence, but...
She refused to listen. A source close to Katie is quoted as saying, "She refused to listen".

And 'the drink' wasn't all Katie had gotten into. She'd discovered.... sweets.

As we know all too well, sugar is often called 'the gateway drug' and in this case, sadly, it appears that it is true. While we haven't been able to verify the authenticity of the following image, we believe these things were going on right under the very noses of those who claim they love little Katie the most.

All this partying began to lead to some strange behavior

But she was living the life...

She drove fast cars and hung out with SUPER smokin-HOT women. And I mean really good-looking, model types.

Unfortunately, her indulgences ran on the extravagant side, and there was a short time when she had resort to showing some skin to score her next fix.

But even this wasn't enough to convince her to slow down.

She was at the height of her birthday partying when her whole world came crumbling down.

She was arrested for speeding and driving under the influence of birthday cake. She tried to talk her way out of it. Witnesses claim she was furious, shouting taunts and insults to the arresting officers. "You'll never get away with this... Don't you know how cute I am?" she was reported to have said.

However convincing Katie's arguments may have been, the photo evidence was damning. She just could not walk a straight line.

Her mug shots reveal just how her night in the fast lane had taken it's toll.

And THAT, my friends, is the truth. The whole sordid affair. The reason behind Katie's sudden "taking ill". Now you may ask, why then weren't her parents quick to heed the warnings and avoid being holed up in the crapper for two days? Well, as someone who knows them well has said, "Those two would let a toddler party by herself. They are much too thoughtful to do that." The pair declined to comment.

Well folks, there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. Katie is clean (diapered) and sober (looking) now for nearly 24 hours. No more vomitus maximus and she is said to be 'DI-Reee' free.
She was spotted grocery shopping with her mother and standing (yes, for about 10 seconds) in the castle park this afternoon.
She is getting on with her life. She is happy and thanks all those who sent their love and support. It is rumored that she has even begun talking to someone to work through her pain...