Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Bad Naked

Do you remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry tries to show his girlfriend the difference between good naked and bad naked? Well if bicycle repair wasn't enough to elucidate the matter, allow me to offer another example.

Monday has become my house cleaning day and each week in addition to a general tidying, I choose one area to focus on and really give a good cleaning to. This way I'll have the whole house spotless by 2012. Today I tackled the kids' tub. As it was going to take a bit more than plain elbow grease to scrub off the dirt ring, I broke out the Clorox. To protect my black shirt from flying cleanser, I decided to just strip it off and bleach in my briefs.

As I bent over the side of the tub and began to muscle through the thick layer of dirt, grime and blue Rub-a-Dub tub foam, my eyes caught movement. There, swinging in time to the scrubbing, were my breasts. Though fairly small in size, they are surprisingly pendulous.

We went walking yesterday down through South Beach for breakfast and to soak up the beautiful weather. South of 5th street has become, of late, the area for wealth ergo (I guess) attracts a certain type of woman performing various types of activities on a Sunday morning. I created a descriptive category for them that I called "AIs" as in Anorexic with Implants. I created a descriptive category for myself after today's chores... "Locks in Socks".

Take a combination lock and toss it into a knee-high gym sock. Now hold that up to your chest. Now sway.

As Michael obliged me with an extra long nap, I was able to finish the tub and move on to bleaching the grout lines on the bathroom floor. With bleach. On my hands and knees. Example #3 of Bad Naked.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Mom saves the day

After some weeks of gentle urgings and caustic hate mail, I finally get some recent pictures up.

We got a "flip" digital video camera for Christmas and I thought that would give me lots of good footage to share. So far we have 20 home videos of me pointing the camera at a kids face and saying "c'mon, gimme a smile" in a voice better suited to calling a dog and only a few of those that have made it into the computer from the camera because I can't figure out how to upload.

So thank god Mom got an iphone for her Christmas present. Uploadable pictures have been taken with it and as I am here at their house sans Katie and the fevered pitch of chaotic activity that surrounds her, I can sit and post a few.

Life still feels hectic these days. Nana and Papa Walsh left this past Saturday after a very enjoyable 6 week stay (Brian and Brownyn joining them/us for the last week or so). They looked after Mick the days that I was working and took good care of us all the rest of the time. But with any visiting guests, we had a lot of dinners out and added excitement and activity thats just contributed to that "unsettled" feeling. My grandmother is visiting my parents and watching Mick now while I am working, hence my being here on a Monday eve. He is wearing her out though... May need to make a plan B.

Hell, he is wearing me out. He is a baby of extremes. He is a laugh-out-loud bundle of tickles and giggles when he is happy and a shreiking terror when he isn't. He certainly isn't the sleeper that Katie was and that makes life interesting. These days I can generally get him to sleep around 10:30-11pm and usually he will sleep through the night, but we have a few false starts before there is real sleep happening. Getting him to fall asleep is a workout that includes swaddling, bouncing, cajoling, swearing under the breath and more times than not, a boob in his mouth. That is the part that makes it tricky for others to get him to nap. But I've told Granny if it gets the job done, whip it out...

Katie is acting out in great ways too. Today alone she hit me, threw water on Manus, had a tantrum in public and attempted to eat a penny. I'm going to get her hearing tested because that girl doesn't even look my way when I try to tell her something. She is such her father's child. At my wit's end, I tried the "Time-Out chair" today (something I've been avoiding with respect to all the new-age parenting books I'd read) but the plan backfired. I told her she would have a time out if she stood up on the table again and she said "okay", went outside and plopped herself down. I have no viable recourse for her naughtiness. What do you do when your child consistently outsmarts you?

Saturday we drove down to Flamingo in the Florida Everglades in an attempt to breathe new life into a family tradition that was killed by cabin destruction in the 2005 hurricanes. As there are no longer lodgings down there, we just went for games and dinner. Given how cold it was, I am glad we were not in the minority that actually camped out overnight.

Okay, randomness.. A short video (from the Flip) lacks meaning, direction and artistic integrity but shows off the little girl.