Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Bad Naked

Do you remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry tries to show his girlfriend the difference between good naked and bad naked? Well if bicycle repair wasn't enough to elucidate the matter, allow me to offer another example.

Monday has become my house cleaning day and each week in addition to a general tidying, I choose one area to focus on and really give a good cleaning to. This way I'll have the whole house spotless by 2012. Today I tackled the kids' tub. As it was going to take a bit more than plain elbow grease to scrub off the dirt ring, I broke out the Clorox. To protect my black shirt from flying cleanser, I decided to just strip it off and bleach in my briefs.

As I bent over the side of the tub and began to muscle through the thick layer of dirt, grime and blue Rub-a-Dub tub foam, my eyes caught movement. There, swinging in time to the scrubbing, were my breasts. Though fairly small in size, they are surprisingly pendulous.

We went walking yesterday down through South Beach for breakfast and to soak up the beautiful weather. South of 5th street has become, of late, the area for wealth ergo (I guess) attracts a certain type of woman performing various types of activities on a Sunday morning. I created a descriptive category for them that I called "AIs" as in Anorexic with Implants. I created a descriptive category for myself after today's chores... "Locks in Socks".

Take a combination lock and toss it into a knee-high gym sock. Now hold that up to your chest. Now sway.

As Michael obliged me with an extra long nap, I was able to finish the tub and move on to bleaching the grout lines on the bathroom floor. With bleach. On my hands and knees. Example #3 of Bad Naked.


Debbie said...

lol. Can't wait till Jacob is no longer nursing. It's all downhill from there :-(

AWifeAbroad said...

Malinda! It's Eira... I just moved back to the Beach from living in France. I just reconnected to your blog and realized that you're back here too! I have an 8 month old little boy now. I would love to get together sometime... email me: eiraroj@gmail.com