Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Livin' Large with Laura: The Early Days

The past two weeks have been non-stop fun and driving and laughing and standing in the rain with our hooded slickers effectively transforming us into round black blobs of water-logged tourist goo. Did I mention that it rained a few times while Laura was here? Everywhere you go you hear the locals saying, "Looks like summer is over..." and "Tis dreadfully blustery, isn't it?". Tis, indeed.

Laura arrived on a Tuesday. From the Dublin airport she took a bus that dropped her right in the heart of Kilkenny. Katie and I were waiting for her at the Hibernian hotel cafe. It was a beautiful day so we sat at an outside table sipping a latte and watching the world pass by. It was the last beautiful day we would see.

And it was the last day Laura had to relax. Little did she know this was a working holiday. First stop, we took her to the Walsh Dude Ranch.

Geared up in her finest western wear and general issue wellies, Laura closes her eyes and says, "Pinch Me!" just to make sure she isn't dreaming.

First stop on the farm tour and always a crowd favorite, Manus shows off the Walsh family collection of "Famous Faces" cow patty splatters. Guaranteed undoctored/never enhanced. Made direct from God's loving hand and the spasmic peristalsis of the bovine intestinal tract. Some folks collect potato chips that form in the shape of states, others see the Virgin Mary in their buttered toast, but no where else on earth will you find a finer specimen of Wilford Brimley formed of cattle excretia.
"Hello Boys"

We are honored with a meet and greet with the artists.

For Laura, it was love at first sight. She swooned over 'Wartsy", a prolific shitter and famous for his "Olsen Twins" collection. One day last May, in a field far from the spectators, Ol' Wartsy crapped out Ashley then two minutes later, Mary-Kate. They are breathtaking and as true to real life as you can get.
Wartsy returned Laura's affections and the two flirted, staring longingly into each other's eyes. The spell was soon broken though, as Wartsy, ever the romantic, thought it would be a great idea to show Laura just what his bowels could do.
Always quick on her feet, Laura took out her intergalactic message transmitter and announced that she was needed immediately on the mothership to attend to a matter of the utmost importance and as much as she hated to do it, Wartsy would just have to move on without her.
"So long, boys! See you again in McDonalds"

Laura may not have left the farm with true love, but she did fall in love with the wellies. Ask to see her new pair.

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