Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Mom Chronicles. Chapter 3

I've long ago resigned myself to the fact that I will never go to the bathroom alone. And in some ways I think it is entirely fair. I sit and watch Katie as she makes her 'grunts and grimaces' face, why shouldn't she be allowed to look at mine?

They say that every kid has their own 'poop face' and Katie's... man, what can I say about it? It's not pretty, but you have no doubt as to what she is doing.

I've even found myself mimicking some of her gesticulations hoping my output would be as grand as some of hers. Of course, I chew my food so it will never be exactly the same.

This discovery of toddler behavior and subsequent acceptance occurs alongside the blossoming of toddler curiosity. I realize and accept that Katie wants to get into EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. She has a distinct, though I imagine not unique talent of scanning the room and zeroing in on the ONE thing she is not supposed to touch. If there are 6 plastic bottles on the table, she will go for the one glass. We have four remotes, if the stereo is what is on, the stereo remote is the one with the most interesting buttons. (if the tv is on, the tv remote is the only thing in the room worth playing with).

So, anyway, I have a bathroom monitor with me at all times. Like I said, comes with the territory. But the other day I discovered the true dangers in co-toileting.

As I stood upon finishing my business, in the split second between hiking up my pants and swiveling to flush I hear "Plop!" and there is Katie, who in the short time it took me to pee has removed everything off the bathroom shelves we have from hairbrushes to Q-tips ('ear buds' here), but here is Katie, little head peering over the rim to see just what does happen to a tube of toothpaste when it is submerged in the basin.

Ugh. So yes it was only pee, but a tube of toothpaste is not something you flush down and replace. No, I had to retrieve it. And we dont even have any salad tongs here.

Then, what do you do with the tube? The cap was on, but do you take the chance that there was seepage?

I'm making up a job description for motherhood. It now includes the following questions: Are you willing to touch another person's vomit? Are you willing to touch another person's poop? Are you willing to plunge your hand into a bucket of your own urine? Are you willing to do this for free?

Look what else Katie is into these days...

yup. its a tampon applicator. Fresh from the box, I swear -the possibility of a used one is more vile a thought than I can muster- but nonetheless... a disturbing image.


Debbie said...

LOL! Fun, fun, fun. And yes, the substances that are touched without hesitation (and without gloves or double gloves for that matter) are mind-boggling.

Although all of your articles are full of priceless information, I think I like the "Mom Chronicles" best. :-D

Anonymous said...

Dear Daughter,
At first glance, I thought Katie had found a white cigar! This is definitely a photo for her journal. Wait until she's a teen and sees this one!

Clodagh said...


My Mom told me I used to wash my hair in the toilet. She said we had the cleanest loo in Ireland. Maybe that is why I became a hairdresser! As for taking a leisurely poop, before Esme could move I used to sit her in the dinning room opposite the downstairs loo and she would play happily now I am lucky if I get time to wipe. It is sad when you look forward to your husband coming home so you can have a quiet 5 mins on the loo!!