Top Ten

Top ten things I learned on my first "solo plus one"* transcontinental airplane trip.

*Katie and I flew from California to Miami on Wednesday. Manus was planning to come with us for the week, but ended up having to stay in Ca. to work. I was a bit nervous about the trip but we arrived mostly intact and certainly much wiser for it.

So, here it goes, donning my best Dave Letterman; "Top ten things I learned on my first solo-plus-one transcontinental airplane trip."

10. A crumbly scone at 5 in the morning tastes best in small pieces off a dirty airport floor.

9. Fears of airplane terrorism have reached an all-time high as now even toddlers must remove their shoes when being carried through the security checkpoint x-ray machine.

8. Due to the declining economy, airlines are now charging for bottles of water, in-flight entertainment and the right to preboard for those traveling with small children that require additional time to get to their seats. (Hello?! - that was the only reason I had children...)

7. After four 'false alarms', airline staff will no longer respond to the "flight attendant call button" being illuminated. (well, who put it where a toddler could reach it?)

6. Never, never fly USAir. A pilot walking through the terminal remarked upon seeing Katie's "drunken sailor" waddle, "Hey! I walk like that sometimes too!" -yikes. didn't need to know that right before putting my life in your DT shaking hands...

5. You can learn a lot about the guy sitting next to you by how high he jumps out of his seat when greasy baby fingers cross the imaginary line that divides your seats.

4. Never ask yourself, "well, what could be worse than sitting next to a baby-hater for the first 4 hour flight?" cause you will find yourself sitting in the MIDDLE seat between two less-than-enthusiastic men on your second flight.

3. Murphy's Law of Travel: If you make a comment in passing about how fast the baggage has been coming off the planes lately, your bag will be the last one placed on the carousel.

2. Peeing in a public bathroom with your child is no longer easy once they learn how to open doors.

And the Number One thing I learned while traveling alone cross-country with my child...

Saying "Hey, at least we'll all go down together..." is NEVER a good thing to say to someone in an airport, no matter what you really mean.